Formation · <div id="hs_cos_wrapper_email_title" class="hs_cos_wrapper hs_cos_wrapper_widget hs_cos_wrapper_type_module widget-type-text" style="color: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit;" data-hs-cos-general-type="widget" data-hs-cos-type="module" ><div id="hs_cos_wrapper_email_title_" class="hs_cos_wrapper hs_cos_wrapper_widget hs_cos_wrapper_type_text" style="color: inherit; font-size: inherit; line-height: inherit;" data-hs-cos-general-type="widget" data-hs-cos-type="text" >Issue 004 — Emotionally Healthy Spiritual Formation</div></div>

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The science & soul of spiritual flourishing

JEAN-FRANÇOIS_MILLET_-_El_Ángelus_(Museo_de_Orsay,_1857-1859._Óleo_sobre_lienzo,_55.5_x_66_cm)

From

John Ortberg

Of all the works of art that have been inspired by transcendent emotions over the centuries, none have exceeded the profundity of this great vocal composition from the 1970’s: “Feelings…. Whoa whoa whoa Feelings… Whoa Whoa whoa feelings again in my life.”

You would think that surely must be the last word. But no, even more wisdom on this topic is available, and you’ll find it here… — John

In This Issue

Recent Research

Success can hide astonishing levels of emotional isolation. This article explores why many high-achieving men appear strong externally while collapsing internally. Performance culture rewards competence but punishes vulnerability. Spiritual formation becomes dangerous when achievement replaces honesty, and when emotional silence masquerades as maturity, discipline, or even faithfulness itself.ⁱ

But what if healing begins not with harsher self-judgment, but gentleness? Research increasingly shows self-compassion produces greater resilience, honesty, and long-term growth than shame ever can. For Christians formed by performance and perfectionism, this creates a deeply uncomfortable question: could grace actually transform people more effectively than relentless self-criticism?ⁱⁱ

Then comes the relational breakthrough: people change faster when they feel understood instead of corrected. This research essay explores how emotional validation lowers defensiveness, strengthens connection, and opens people to transformation. Churches often rush toward advice, theology, or accountability. But formation may begin earlier, with the radical act of making people feel genuinely seen.ⁱⁱⁱ

i. One of the most important aspects of emotions is our need for what might be called ‘soul satisfaction,’ a level of joy and well-being that gives us a foundation for life. When that is absent temptation and either sin or despair become inevitable.

ii. Psychologists will sometimes refer to ‘hot cognitions,’ those thoughts that are associated with particularly volatile emotions. When we are the target of our own negative hot cognitions we will not be able to function with love and hope. Performance-based life is emotionally toxic.

iii. Speaking of which, I am so grateful to see so many parents teaching emotional awareness to their children and using tools like the ‘wheel of emotions.’ ‘If it can be named, it can be tamed.’

Read More ↗

Dallas Willard

“Love is an emotional response aroused in the will by visions of the good.”

The Divine Conspiracy

Dallas also wrote that feelings are good servants but bad masters.

In the Field

For decades, churches taught people to suppress emotions in the name of “spiritual maturity.” Emotionally Healthy Discipleship challenges that entire framework. Their core claim is unsettlingly simple: you cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. Transformation begins when honesty replaces performance and vulnerability stops feeling spiritually dangerous.ⁱ

But emotional honesty alone isn’t enough. The Allender Center explores how trauma, shame, grief, and desire shape the soul beneath conscious awareness. Rather than treating pain as interruption, they see it as sacred territory where God often does the deepest work of restoration, healing, intimacy, and transformation.ⁱⁱ

Then comes the institutional challenge: can churches become emotionally safe places instead of emotional performance stages? Grace Alliance equips congregations to respond compassionately to mental health struggles without stigma or silence. In a lonely, anxious culture, emotionally healthy communities may become Christianity’s most credible witness.

i. One more note from Dallas Willard: In Renovation of the Heart he writes that the fruit of the Spirit, Love, Joy, Peace and so on, are conditions and not emotions. This is a critical distinction though it took me a while to get it. In fact, only if I am willing to experience not feeling (for instance facing stress without medicating myself with alcohol, etc), that I can grow into a person who lives in the condition of peace. To use psychological language, the fruit are traits and not states.

ii. Also, Dan Allender is hilariously funny. Just saying.

Data Point

The degree to which we grow spiritually is the degree to which we grow emotionally.

Soul Talk

Many Christians were taught emotions are obstacles to spiritual maturity rather than pathways into it. This essay argues the opposite: emotions reveal what the soul truly loves, fears, trusts, and worships. Ignore them, and formation becomes superficial. Attend to them honestly, and even painful feelings can become sacred ground for transformation.

But emotions don’t emerge in isolation, they’re shaped by relationships, beginning in childhood. This reflection explores how attachment patterns influence prayer, trust, intimacy, and even people’s image of God. Suddenly, spiritual struggles look less like moral failure and more like relational wounds searching desperately for healing and security.ⁱ

Then comes the uncomfortable truth: unaddressed emotions rarely disappear, they simply become behaviors. This reflection challenges Christians who confuse emotional suppression with holiness. Jesus didn’t invite people to become emotionally numb; he invited transformation from the inside out. Spiritual formation deepens when emotions are neither indulged nor denied, but redeemed through loving awareness.

i. People doing research in attachment are also beginning to acknowledge that various attachment styles can actually have different ‘gifts’ to bring into our lives. I don’t have to feel cheated if I wasn’t given the perfect ‘secure attachment.’

Read More ↗

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How Emotion is Linked to Better Learning and Memory

amplifire.com

Formation with Dr. John Ortberg

The Hidden Spiritual Cost of How We Work ft. Gary Hamel

What if the way we're managed at work is quietly forming—or deforming—our souls? Gary Hamel and John Ortberg on work, dignity, and the surprising overlap between good management and the image of God.

Listen Now ↗

From the Editors

Watching

Inside Out

For years, many people treated emotions as problems to control instead of signals to understand. Inside Out dismantles that illusion. The film reveals how sadness, fear, joy, and anger shape identity, relationships, and healing itself. Emotional maturity isn’t eliminating difficult feelings, it’s learning how every emotion contributes to becoming fully human.ⁱ

Listening

Lauren Daigle

But emotional awareness alone cannot heal the soul. Lauren Daigle sings with a kind of raw emotional honesty many churches unintentionally discourage. Her music refuses polished spirituality, making room for longing, grief, vulnerability, hope, and surrender. Sometimes formation begins not through explanation, but through finally feeling what was buried.

Reading

Till We Have Faces

Then comes the deepest challenge: can we face ourselves truthfully before God? In what many consider C. S. Lewis’s greatest novel, emotions become revelation rather than distraction. Till We Have Faces exposes jealousy, self-deception, and wounded love, showing how spiritual transformation often begins where emotional illusion finally collapses.

i. By the way, the film had Dr. Paul Ekman as a consultant who is at the forefront of psychological research on emotions. So lots of expertise. Also it was directed by Pete Docter who attended First Pres Berkeley and is a person of Christian faith. LOVE that movie. Still can’t see it without crying. But in an ultimately joyful way.

A publication from

Formation is a publication from Become New — a ministry helping people grow spiritually one day at a time.

The Center for Becoming · 533 Pacific Ave, Solana Beach, CA

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